I accidentally clicked on an article about "staying married" when browsing the NY Times online, but ended up reading through and in a strange way, it reminded me of the relationship some people have with their professional careers.
"A couple of years ago, it seemed as if everyone I knew was on the verge of divorce.
“He’s not the man I married,” one friend told me.
“She didn’t change, and I did,” said another.
And then there was the no-fault version: “We grew apart.”
Emotional and physical abuse are clear-cut grounds for divorce, but they aren’t the most common causes of failing marriages, at least the ones I hear about. What’s the more typical villain? Change.
Feeling oppressed by change or lack of change; it’s a tale as old as time. Yet at some point in any long-term relationship, each partner is likely to evolve from the person we fell in love with into someone new — and not always into someone cuter or smarter or more fun...
Sometimes people feel betrayed by this change. They fell in love with one person, and when that person doesn’t seem familiar anymore, they decide he or she violated the marriage contract. I have begun to wonder if perhaps the problem isn’t change itself but our susceptibility to what has been called the “end of history” illusion...
Nostalgia, which fuels our resentment toward change, is a natural human impulse. And yet being forever content with a spouse, or a street, requires finding ways to be happy with different versions of that person or neighborhood."
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/21/style/modern-love-to-stay-married-embrace-change.html?action=click&module=InCaseYouMissedIt®ion=Lists&pgtype=collection
Maybe this is a bit of a stretch, but I feel like oftentimes people become frustrated with professional roles or jobs because they change from their original state or end up being something that the individual didn't expect. Unwanted change, whether it be in a personal relationship or a professional role, is tough to adapt to, and it causes us to weigh our options to determine if it's worth sticking it out, working through problems and trying to make the best of the situation, or to move on and find something that suits your needs in a more appropriate manner. I know I've had to leave jobs over time for a few different reasons; it was great at the beginning, but after a while I either needed a higher salary, different hours, or something else that that job couldn't provide for me anymore. It was a change that negatively effected my experience at the job, causing me to find another option.
I think this is actually a great comparison. I especially agree with what you say in the last paragraph about positions changing from their original state being a problem. I have always had a really hard time with the idea of people who stay with the same person since high school or even younger in some cases. Not to step on anyones toes if they find the love of their life at that age, but i think changing with someone is very hard. I know my goals and priorities and overall character are eons away from the way I was when I was 15, and I'm sure my career goals when I'm 35 may very well be different than they are now. I feel this can be the same with careers and ours specifically. For example, there is really no movement in being a teacher. You will likely be a teacher for a really long time and have little movement whereas HMP is a field that provides so much possibility for growth and enhancement. Sorry for the mini blog post on your blog post.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Shayna. Long term relationships share common characteristics. But I think the difference between a marriage and a career is that it's perfectly ok to change jobs or careers. I'm a bit more old fashioned about marriage.
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